In our series of letters from African journalists, Elizabeth Ohene looks at how parenting styles in Ghana compares to those in the US.
I have been conducting my own totally unscientific survey of the difference between children brought up in Ghana and those brought up in the US.
If you asked me which children are the better behaved, American or Ghanaian, I would have no hesitation in opting for the Ghanaian ones.
I suppose there would be no surprise in such an answer.
I am an old Ghanaian woman and my definition of a well-behaved child is probably weighted towards one that is liberal with pleasantries: "Please", "sir", "madam", "thank you", and knows it is unacceptable to address someone older in a "naked", unadorned manner - to borrow a touch of Ghanaian English.
In other words, it is a sign of bad upbringing to call an elder person without a title, as in calling me Elizabeth without "Auntie", or "Da", or "Madam" or "Miss" or whatever title comes to mind.
A child brought up in the US would call me Elizabeth and a child brought up in Ghana would find a title to add to the Elizabeth.
In my part of the world, children speak and behave, or are expected to behave, differently from grown-ups.
Admittedly this is a culturally biased perception, but there is nothing new in that.
Now if you asked me which children are the happier lot, American or Ghanaian, I would probably say the Ghanaian ones.
However, I now hesitate about this conclusion after I was recently told that many Ghanaian children now believe happiness is measured by how many times their parents buy them Kentucky Fried Chicken.
I have to add that the KFC fast food chain made an entry into Ghana about two years ago.
On that basis of course the American children must be miles ahead of the Ghanaian children in the happiness league.
I have tried to check on my "Yes Auntie Elizabeth" child and compare them to the "Yes Elizabeth" child in later life to see if being brought up to say "Auntie", "Sir" or "Madam" makes any difference in their lives.
I confess the results are mixed and I am therefore beginning to think my judgement on a child being well brought up does not affect that child's performance in later life.
There are some unadorned "Elizabeth" callers that seem to be doing as well and sometimes even better than some of the "Auntie Elizabeth" callers.
Controlling parents
It is predictable therefore that I was excited but not quite sure what to make of the recent survey done by an American university on the parenting of adolescent children in Ghana and the US.
In the study, by Clark University, across two cultures, it was found that "when parents acknowledge the perspectives of their adolescent children and encourage them to express themselves, the young people have a stronger sense of self-worth, intrinsic motivation, and engagement and there is less depression".
The teenagers answered questions about the extent to which their parents acknowledged their point of view and allowed them to make decisions, have choices, and express their opinions.
Questionnaires also assessed the extent to which adolescents perceived their parents as controlling their behaviour, as well as their academic motivation, sense of self-worth, level of depression and perception of themselves as independent from their parents or as a unit with their parents.
Something tells me these are words, which when stripped of the fancy cloak of academic verbiage, mean allowing children to behave like grown-ups.
The study also found that allowing adolescents to make decisions and have choices was associated with positive outcomes only in the US.
In other words, the Ghanaian parents tended to believe that they should make the big decisions for their children.
I am not at all sure whether a child having to say "please", "thank you", "sir", "madam" or curtseying and bowing to greet an elder person count as not allowing children to make decisions, but I do know that over here in Ghana, we do like to have some distinction between grown-ups and children.
As my sainted grandmother of old used to say, "You will have a lot of time to be a grown-up, there is no need to hurry your childhood."
In other words, you will have a lot of time to make decisions, some of which will be disastrous; enjoy the period in which your parents are making the decisions for you.
At least you would have someone to blame.
Source: BBC
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Thanks Auntie Elizabeth for this insightful piece. Indeed, it is interesting to see Ghanaian parents who have not even travel abroad trying to instill American or European values in their children and still expect them to adhere to our cultural norms. There are many in American and Western societies who are ***barred word*** of our culture and upbringing. We should hold fast to some of our great cultural values, but also learn the good values of the Western world. We should try very hard to stop the unhelpful wholesale importation of American or European values. Ghana has the best healthy and organic food - we should enjoy them and forget about these junk mass produced food such as KFC and the like. Diabetes is on the ascendancy and some of these junk foods are great contributing factors. Thanks for the space,
Very nice piece. For me, I strive to get the best of both worlds. I grew up in Ghana and now live abroad. I do like the courtesies of Ghanaian kids towards elders and strive to inculcate that into my kids. However I detest the timidity associated with our training and try to raise my kids to be self confident and able to speak their mind and ask questions. I pray to be successful in both. I really had to try hard and shed my timidity ways and build up my confidence when I travelled.
Isn't it surprising we are trained to be "respectful" as kids but for most of us in Ghana and Africa for that matter we have no problem stealin.g from the state, taking bribes etc. while kids who are not necessarily "respectful" become good citizens in other parts of the world?
It depends on where the children are being brought up.If for instance a Ghanaian child with Ghanaian parents is being brought up in the USA,in an American dominated Society, there will be Problem or not proper to impose the Ghanaian values on the child amidst American Society or environment. That would definately confuse the child and make him timid in the face of his or her American couterparts.There should be a subtle approach or a balance of the parents to adjust to the mode of their upbringing in order not to frustrate the Kids.
Great piece Lizzy! It all depends on how a parent decides to raise & nurture his or her child.Nowadays everybody is heading to the western style of upbringing which with all truthfulness it isn't the right way to go. A mixture of western & Ghanaian style is way to go.
Elizabeth, sorry Auntie Lizzy thanks for this interesting piece. The fundamental question (in my view) is how parenting allows kids to have a happy childhood and develop irrespective of the cultural and social context. But sadly we are copying so much from the West and still trying to impose our "strict" culture on our kids that, to be honest most of our kids have identity crises. We had no KFC, We played soccer barefooted, climbed pawpaw and mango trees, chase birds around, never questioned our parents even till adulthood, but we still had very happy childhoods. But this generation of kids never experience this, they are basically been raised as American and British kids yet society expect them to be "Ghanaian" in the cultural sense.
very nice piece
You are right on point, KFC is junk paaaaa and fast food full of grease. It is so sad that it is springing up in Ghana and we consider KFC as a joint for the prestige and privilege. We are killing the next generation softly and gradually. Ghana needs to sit up!