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Grasshopper Test Akpos was given an assignment to find out what would happen to a grasshopper after all its legs have been ripped off. The next day Akpos brought the grasshopper along with him to school and in the teacher's presence, Akpos started taking the legs of the grasshopper out one after another! Akpos said (after removing the first leg), "Jump! Grasshopper jump!" The grasshopper jumped... Akpos removed the 2nd leg and the grasshopper kept jumping. After removing the last leg, Akpos said again, "Jump! Grasshopper jump!" but the grasshopper didn't move this time. The teacher who has been watching the whole drama then asked Akpos, "So Akpos, what happens to a grasshopper whose legs have been ripped off?" Akpos smiled and said, "It loses ITS ABILITY TO HEAR, ma'am!" ***** A very successful Naija man parked his new Lexus in front of his office ready to show it off to his colleagues. as he got out, a trailer passed too close and completely tore off the door. The man immediately grabbed his cell phone, called the police, and they arrived. Before the officer could say anything the man was screaming hysterically, my lexus!, my lexus!, it will never be the same again no matter what will be done to it. The officer just looked at the man and shook his head, I can�t believe how materialistic you are, he said, you are soo focused on your possessions that you don�t notice anything else. How can you say such a thing? Don�t you know that your left arm is missing from your elbow down, it must have been torn off when the truck hit you....., oh my God replied the man, "MY ROLEX" wrist watch. ****** A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to Germany hell & asks, "what do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day". The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in ... Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells. Why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man. "Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business." *********** A Chinese man and his newly wedded, pretty Chinese wife moved over to Nigeria to have a taste of Africa. After a while, the wife got pregnant and finally gave birth to a black baby! The Chinese man named the baby...''SUM TIN WONG''. ***** An American, a Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting Unclad in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The American presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile I have a microchip in my hand." The Nigerian, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm getting a Fax," he explains. ******* Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton & Abacha died and all went straight to hell. Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well devil how much do I owe you for the call? The devil replied, "Five million dollars" She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair. Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too" He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked, "Well,devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied, "Ten million dollars" With a smug look on his face, and feeling more important than the English, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair. Abacha was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Nigeria too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I wanna talk to the ministers, the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody"..... He called Nigeria and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you for my long call? The devil replied "One dollar!". Abacha is stunned & queries the devil. "One dollar huh! Only one dollar ke??" The devil replied. "Well, when you make a call from one hell to another hell, we bill it at a local rate". ***** Three Americans and three Nigerians are traveling by a US train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Nigerians buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch the ride my youth !" answers a Nigerian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Nigerians cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train is departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Nigerians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Nigerians don`t buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch the ride my youth !! " says a Nigerian. When they board the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and the three Nigerians cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Nigerians leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please". ********* Micheal Jackson and Bobby Brown arguing Micheal Jackson and Bobby Brown were arguing about who was the best dancer. At last they said when they go to heaven it will be decided. Mariah Carey and Madonna were arguing about who the greatest singer is .At last they said when they get to heaven they will decide. Busta Rhymes (very ugly) said he was the ugliest man in the world and nobody argued with him... In heaven, Michael Jackson came out of the door and told Bobby Brown, "You see I told you I was the greatest dancer!" Madonna came out of the door and said, "You see I told you I was the greatest singer!" Busta Rhymes came out of the door and was angry...they asked him what the matter was and he asked then, "WHO THE HELL IS TARIBO WEST?"