Manchester United 2-1 Arsenal

After they had enjoyed their public cuddle on the touchline before kick-off Arsene Wenger and Sir Alex Ferguson would have been best advised to retire to Jose Mourinho's office for wine and memories. They could have put a DVD on and recalled what it used to be like.

Keane vs Neville, Van Nistelrooy vs Keown, Vieira vs absolutely everybody. That would have got the blood up. TV gold and all that.

At the very least two titans of our game would have been spared this exhibition of nothingness, this painful indication of inexorably declining standards.