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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation...he says - the curse is ..."I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife". ************************* A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" "The funeral director," said his wife. ************************* Mrs. Trenton appeared before the judge in a divorce action. "How old are you?" asked the judge. "Thirty-five,""said Mrs. Trenton. The judge noticed her greying hair and wrinkled cheeks and said "may I see your birth certificate?" She handed the judge her birth certificate. "Madam," he said severely, "according to this certificate you are not 35 but 50." "Your honor,"replied Mrs. Trenton,"I'm not counting the last 15 years I spent with my husband. You call that a life?"