They call themselves ‘Zu-za’. Their founder calls them ‘greedy bastards’. Some call them ‘Team B’ players, while others call them ‘judgement debt specialists.’ There are a thousand and one adjectives one can use to describe them, but I prefer to call them ‘kung fu politicians’.
As you may already be aware, kung fu is a Chinese martial art which resembles karate. It is an oriental unarmed combat using the hands and feet to deliver and block blows and kicks. The word “kung fu” originated from a Chinese word which means “master.” A kung fu is therefore a master in that Chinese martial art, mostly using the skills acquired in self-defence.
In this country of ours, only a few politicians have mastered this Chinese martial art, and they have all decided to congregate under the eagle-headed Umbrella. In sharp contrast to the ethics of the great sport, they use their special kung fu skills in attacking innocent citizens, instead of using it for self-defence.
The first Kung fu attack that comes to mind was the kung fu kicks and blows the then President Jerry Boom inflicted on the late Vice President Kow Arkaah during a cabinet meeting. The blows and kicks were so severe that it took days of serious medical attention to get the late Vice President back on his feet.
All manner of attempts were made by those who witnessed the unfortunate spectacle to cover-up. I vividly recollect how Hon. Harry Sawyer, with his honourable goatee, dishonourably described the kung fu attack as a mere push. However, the torn shirt of the late Vice President did prove that it was not a mere shove, but a serious kung fu attack.
The Koforidua kung fu attack which led to the formation of the Democratic Freedom Party (DFP) also comes to mind. Not forgetting the seizure of toilets and the kung fu attacks by foot-soldiers on District Chief Executives and Heads of District and Regional Health Insurance Schemes. I would spare you the details because I’m sure they are still fresh in your memory.
The most recent of the kung fu fights was between the Deputy Minister of Women and Children’s Affairs, Hajia Hawawu Boya Gariba, and one Aunty Kande. The fight, which took place in a hairdressing salon, could easily pass for a blockbuster Hollywood movie.
Hajia Hawawu sits in a salon fidgeting with her phone. Her pregnant stylist with her two apprentices, work tirelessly on her hair. Suddenly, a group of hoodlums, under the leadership of Aunty Kande, storm the salon and give Hajia Hawawu severe Kung fu blows and kicks. The salon becomes disorganized as the hair stylist and her apprentices run for cover. A few boys around run in to rescue the deputy minister. The intervention comes a little too late as the attack leaves the honourable deputy minister stark naked. Puei! Is that not an abomination?
Wait a second, Abusuapanin! Is that what really happened? If yes, then how come Aunty Kande was the one who ended up with a swollen face, and not Hajia Hawawu? I’m confused and don’t know who or what to believe.
I’m only excited because the fight between Hajia Hawawu and the said Aunty Kande has brought out juicy stories hidden in the closet. Hajia Hawawu’s allegation that she was once given a kung-fu slap by John Jinapor, the President’s spokesperson, has taken many people by surprise. They are surprised because they see him as a gentleman who cannot lift a finger against a woman.
True, he looks like a gentleman. But believe me when I say I’m not in the least shocked at what he was alleged to have done. I do not know if Hajia Hawawu’s allegation is the truth or otherwise. But having seen him on national television spew out all manner of verbal garbage on a woman, I will not be surprised at all if the allegation turns out to be true.
Did I hear you say you want me to be very explicit? Very well, Abusuapanin! In case you do not know, the President’s spokesperson was the one who sat in Metro TV studios, in the full glare of live cameras, and called Ursula Owusu a morally loose woman who had amassed wealth by sitting on the laps of male politicians. Ursula’s only crime was that she had the brilliance to punch holes in his kwashiorkor-infested arguments. Will you be surprised if such a man goes a step further by giving a helpless lady a kung fu slap? Frankly, I wouldn’t be.
Hon. Haruna Iddrisu’s name too has been mentioned in the hairdressing salon kung fu fight saga. Hajia Hawawu has alleged that he was one of the characters who masterminded the kung fu fight. Just like the John allegation, she is yet to provide any evidence to support her claim.
I don’t know about you, but I’m more than willing to give Haruna the benefit of the doubt. I will be very shocked if Hajia Hawawu is able to provide a shred of evidence to support her allegation. I say so knowing very well that Haruna is a fine politician with unblemished spots on his personal and political record. In fact, I have overheard that Haruna rather saved Hajia; otherwise it would have been a different story.
In the meantime, many of my countrymen are asking whether the President has heard of the disgraceful hairdressing salon kung fu fight, and are wondering if any action will be taken. My unsolicited counsel to those persons is not to waste their precious minds in pondering over the matter because, just like the late Agya Ofuntuo, the President sees no evil, hears no evil and speaks no evil.
If the saying, “Coming events cast their shadows” is anything to go by, then members of the opposition should brace themselves up for a serious kung fu fight on December 7. If I were a member of the Osono family, I would advice my colleagues to start going for karate or kung fu lessons before the D-day. Massa, can you imagine what will happen if an untrained and unprepared opposition clashes with cutlass-wielding Jihadists and kung fu politicians? Your guess could be as good as mine!
Source: Daily Guide
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