Very often it is easy to tell the rich from the poor. In Ghana, a poor young man is called ‘Kofi Brokeman’ while a young rich woman is called ‘cash madam’. Sometimes, however, it is hard to know who is rich or poor especially at the beach where people walk barefooted and casually dressed. This is where ‘Kofi Brokeman’ and ‘cash madam’ met. It was almost love at first sight when Kofi retrieved a balloon for her.
They talked and talked for hours. When Kofi went to her house, he was bewildered and could hardly sit comfortably. Everything in the house was state-of-the-art. She also had many posh cars. Madam tried hard to make him relax but he couldn’t eat nor drink. Later, madam visited him in his office and pleaded to be accepted as a lover. He rejected the ‘scholarship’ just because she was ’too much’ (she was above him in everything). There is also a case about a woman who went home jubilating and told her man about her promotion and the benefits attached to it. The man did a quick arithmetic and found out she would get twice his salary. He quit his job to go into private business so that he could earn more than his wife.
He had no capital or business plan. After six months, he hadn’t done anything and the marriage collapsed. The problem of men Fact; Many men feel threatened by the riches, power and accomplishment of women. This is because men are born leaders and competitive. They define themselves by what they accomplish and provide their women because it shows their competence, power and efficiency. His ego is tied to his job, status and earning power. If he is not financially better than his woman, then he is not man enough. Financial independence of a woman may therefore be humiliating to a man.
If you tell your man you do not need anything from him and pride yourself in intimidation, aggression and power because you are rich or ‘loaded’ you destroy his self-esteem and kill his romance for you. He may take a ‘low class’ girl so that as he controls and provides for her in small ways, he builds his self-esteem. Some men see the progress and accomplishment of their women as a sign of their failure even when the rich women bend over to care for them. Some refuse assistance from their women because they see it as sign of weakness. Some men also try to compensate for their negative feelings by being needlessly irritated about money and just about anything the rich woman does or says.
Some men stop their women from taking good opportunities such as graduate studies because it puts their women ahead of them. Many studies show the success of women repels weak or poor men. Predictably, a relationship in which the man is richer has a higher chance of success than when the woman is richer than the man. Can ‘Kofi Brookeman’ marry ‘cash madam’? Kofi Brokeman can marry ‘cash madam’ if he does not develop a complex about their relationship. After all, both are above the legal age of 18. He is a man.
She is a woman. He can marry her and stamp his divine authority as the head of the marriage. When you marry, you become one flesh. It, therefore, does not matter who brings in more. The success of one must be the success of both. A man must, therefore, not force himself to match his woman’s accomplishment.
Women have intuition and know when her man is doing his best for her. Just let your woman know you are comfortable with her success and be proud of her accomplishment. Work as a team and avoid financial secrecy. Support each other and make time to resolve your financial challenges and be content with what God has done for you as you count your blessings.
As long as you are both happy, there is no need to ‘jealous’ each other’s success. You will be happy and enjoy your marriage if only you are happy yourself and what you have. Marry rich but not riches. ([email protected]) The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counseling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of Your Guide To Marriage, The Journey Of Life And Love Unlimited.
Source: Dr John Boakye
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