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Zu-za’s Looters And Propagandists School   
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My first degree is in Diplomacy and International Relations and it has always been my desire to pursue a master’s programme in that field. Last year, I managed to gain admission at the Ghana Armed Forces Staff College (GAFSC) to pursue Master’s in Defence and International Politics (MDIP), but could not even start because I failed to raise the fees. Sad, isn’t it?

Well, don’t feel too sad for me. I’m currently pursuing a Master of Arts in Education programme at the University of Ghana. I was sitting my somewhere busily studying for my end of semester exam when I received a Whatsapp message from a friend currently pursuing the MDIP programme at GAFSC. He said since I could not join him at GAFSC, he was encouraging me to enroll and study at the Ghana Institute of Social Democracy (GISD).

It would be an understatement to say I was elated. I therefore quickly downloaded the electronic form. Massa, I was more than disappointed to find out that GISD happened to be the proposed school for looters and propagandists by the eagle-headed Umbrella.

I did not want to offend my friend so I didn’t tell him how I felt. But I couldn’t help wondering what he was thinking when he sent me the GISD form. I wondered because he knows more than anyone else how I detest the politics of those under the eagle-headed Umbrella. He knows I cannot spend even a minute with the propagandists and looters of state resources.

How could he have even contemplated the idea of making me consider enrolling in such a school? I don’t need to be taught the theory and practice of creating 1.6million jobs in my bedroom as postulated by Professor Okudjeto Ablakwa. Neither do I need to master the theory and practice of turning goats into cows in communication as propounded by Chief Jihadist Baba Jamal.

It may not have been explicitly stated in the course outline, but I wouldn’t be surprised if successful applicants were taught how to master the practice of “Financial Engineering”. And you know the Professor to take them through the fundamentals of such a course, don’t you?

The bespectacled bald-headed professor is also likely to lecture students of GISD on the theory and practice of Judgment Debt and how to play hide and seek when convicted by a court of competent jurisdiction. If you have any doubt about the efficiency and effectiveness of the said professor, then simply read about the “Woyomisation” saga and how the professor colluded with like-minded state officials to milk the cow dry.

Abusuapanin, I declined my friend’s invitation to enroll in any GISD programme because I’m a patriot. I’m too patriotic to master the practice of “Bus-Branding” and the skill in “Inflating Figures”. I’m reliably informed that Dr. Dzifa-Attivor would be ably in-charge of that course. Of course, her availability to lecture at the school depends on the failure of the Special Prosecutor to cage her as she herself had prophesied sometime back.

One course, I’m sure, many would enjoy is the theory and practice of “Exuding Bad-Breath”. I’m informed two experts in the field would be taking the course. Prof. “Kookooase Kobby Kurasini” would take the theoretical aspect, with Prof. “Koku Heads-Must-Roll” taking the practical aspect. If there is any course at GISD that is tempting enough, then it is this course.

Prof. Gilbert Iddi of SADA fame would also lecture students on “Akonfemism”- the study of guinea fowls flying to neighbouring countries and lining one’s pocket in the process. Like Dr Attivor, his availability would be dependent on the Special Prosecutor’s failure to make him dance to the discordant tune he himself had requested.

I’m told there would be an executive master’s course for folks who would love to acquire skills in how to entice contractors to willingly dole out Ford Expeditions and other gifts. Prof. Ogwanfunu himself would be the instructor for this special programme. This course too looks very tempting, doesn’t it?

Prof. Ntontom and Dr “Press-Conference Poturphy” are also likely to teach very interesting courses. Not forgetting the likes of Dr. “Felix Loud-Mouth Ofosu” and Prof. Omane Boamah, who would teach special courses in Propaganda Studies.

Interestingly, the National Accreditation Board (NAB) has come out to say the GISD has not been accredited to run the aforementioned programmes. But Prof. Kofi Adams, the Registrar, in a characteristic fashion said they did not need the blessing of NAB to commence operation.

Do you see what I see, Abusuapanin? Is the party, which has lost so much credibility among the electorate, not looking for another avenue to cry “PERSECUTION” when NAB comes knocking at its door? Time will definitely answer this question.

See you next week for another interesting konkonsa, Deo volente!
Source: Daily Guide

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