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“There was robbery at Akpos’ neighbour’s house and he called 199
Next thing he heard was:
Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center, for English press 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3, for Hausa press 4,
Akpos pressed 1, and another voice came thru..
For car accident press 1, for armed robbery press 2, for Boko Haram please hang up….
He pressed 2, and another voice came up….
If they’re with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bombs press 5, all of the above press 6…
Akpos checked and saw that the armed robbers were with all those gadgets, so he pressed 6… then a voice came up saying….
“Oga, if your brother is a policeman, will you let him go?”
***
A beautiful young woman on an international flight, asked Father Akpos beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?”
“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there any way that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“Would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the Father Akpos go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, till date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead.” |
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A Prof and Akpos were seated next to each other on a long flight.
Prof said to Akpos: lets play a game, I will ask you a question and if you don’t get the answer, you will pay me $50, and if u ask me a question and I don’t get the answer, I will pay you $5000.
The Prof started: What is the distance from the earth to the
moon?
Akpos did not say a word - he reaches his pocket and pulls
out a $50 and gives it to him.
Now it’s Akpos turn to ask, He said: What goes up the hill with 3 legs and comes down with 5 legs?
The Prof thought for a long time,searches the net, and asked all his smart friends but couldn’t get the answer. He reached his pocket, pulled out a $5000 and gave it to Akpos.
The Prof got mad and asked Akpos:
Well, what the hell goes up the hill with 3 legs and comes down with 5 legs?.
Akpos just dipped his hand into his pocket and gave Prof $50 and said: I don’t know also.
On a wedding day, the pastor asked the usual question: ”Anyone who feels the couple should not be joined in holy matrimony should speak now or forever remain silent.”
Akpors raised his hand from the back.
On seeing him, the bride fainted and when she was revived, the pastor asked Akpors why he raised his hand.
Akpors replied: ”I just want to tell you that we could not hear you well from the back.”
A teacher lecturing on population said, “In the world, after every 10 seconds, a woman gives birth to a kid.”
Akpors stood up and said, “we must find that woman and stop her!”
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| Source: funyakposjokes.com |
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