Women's English + Men's English

Women's English:-

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure go ahead = I don't want you to know I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]

Men's English:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy

I'm tired = I'm tired

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you

What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?

I love you = Let's have sex now!

Love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex without me

Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

I'll call you = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Source: Lisa/London