Recently a newspaper carried a story which appeared to suggest that today more and more Ghanaian women were proposing to men. This evoked an interesting debate because as an Akan adage puts it, it is a dog that looks for a bone and never the bone for the dog.
This adage comes from the historical context that in the past a woman was expected to stay with her parents and wait for a man to ask for her hand in marriage. The men always did the hunting and women were expected to play hard to get no matter how badly she wanted the man.
A woman who showed interest in a man was seen as cheap, fast, pushy, indecent and desperate. Thankfully, today everything is changing and we see many more women proposing to men.
Why are more women proposing? Today, the eyes of the Ghanaian woman are ‘ open.’ With the rise of women empowerment, she knows what a man can do she can also do. If a man goes for a woman he loves, she can also do the same instead of merely accepting a man who has proposed to her.
Today, finding an eligible man to marry is harder than finding a piece of diamond at the shore. More men are getting scared of women who are outstanding in their academics and professions. They are postponing marriage as they focus on their greatest emotional needs and success in their careers.
To many Ghanaian men, marriage can wait but to women time is their greatest enemy. There are more and more young, beautiful and daring women emerging with the risk of being left on the shelf.
It is also a fact that in Ghana while marriage is a big social symbol, children are the focus of marriages and the longer a woman waits, the greater the risk of not becoming a mother.
By 35, 25 per cent of women are infertile and by 40 it is 50 per cent. The urge to start a family is good enough to propose to a man.
What a woman looks for She looks at how you carry yourself especially self-confidence, how you care for yourself, what you wear and hairstyle.
She looks at attitude in general, integrity, loyalty and commitment.
A woman loves a man with a good sense of humour because fun has great emotion and physical benefits to a woman.
A woman looks for a man who can take charge and handle difficult situations without giving up because security is important to her. Then she looks for a man who has the ability to provide for her needs.
A woman sees money as a medium of security. She must be sure there will be enough to meet her basic needs.
How a woman hunts She manages to get your attention; she puts her best foot forward with good dressing, regular greetings, or sitting close to you. She gives you ‘close marking’ and may even ask you to do very simple things for her.
She makes you believe you hunted for her even when she initially started it.
Good news for men? Isaiah 4:1 reads: “In that day seven women shall take hold of one man saying we will eat our own bread and provide our own apparel; only let us be called by your name and take away our reproach of being unmarried.”
We are getting to that time. That more women are proposing is part of God’s plan to relieve men of the nerve-racking experiences they go through in chasing our highly sophisticated and elusive women. Soon men can afford to bluff and have the last laugh.
Men should however, never underate the power and ingenuity of a woman. Even when she wants a man, she can strategise in such a way that the man will hunt her, because men love to hunt and women love being hunted.
At the end of the day the message is simple; love is not bone and dog matter. It is the matter of the heart and it does not matter who proposes.
If you find a man you love, go after him, pursue him relentlessly, track him down and beat your chest with your ring for a good job done.
Get the one you truly love and not merely accept the one who proposes to you. If a man can propose, a woman can do the same and even better.
*The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon.
*He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’
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