Love is indeed strange. It is the commonest word in all the 6,500 languages of the world. It is also the commonest word in the bible. The irony is that, there is no definite definition of love. We understand it differently based on our age, faith, culture and life experience.
The Bible, however, gives us the best understanding of love. St Paul says love does not seek her own. St John and Jesus say love is about dying for another or as the Akans put it ‘odo ye wu’.
True love is, therefore, essentially a gift of self-giving. It is about putting the needs of your lover ahead of yours to make him or her better. Therefore in a fulfilling relationship, a deep caring of your lover is essential. This comes at a cost.
Love, therefore, has a price to pay. There can be no true love without service, sacrifice and suffering.
Some examples A South Korean woman sang over 900 songs for 60 hours with only 10 minutes hourly interval break to cheer up her sick lover. She collapsed in exhaustion but her effort paid off because her lover got better.
A Ghanaian lady lawyer closed down her lucrative practice to follow her husband abroad to find treatment for him. In the end, she donated her kidney to save her husband.
Many years ago, some missionaries led by Fr Clement Hotze of blessed memory left all the goodies in ‘abrokyire’, took a vow of poverty, obedience and chastity and settled in a place that had no water, electricity and medical care.
They were the pioneers of my alma mater, St Peters School, Nkwatia. They gave their all to build the school. They died and were buried in Ghana.
How to suffer Have a positive mental attitude about yourself, lover and relationship. All relationships are difficult but it is hard work, commitment and sacrifice that will nurture your relationship.
Resolve never to give up on your relationship. Put the focus on yourself. Find ways of improving your lover irrespective of how he or she treats you.
See the weaknesses in your lover as a wakeup call to sacrifice and make him or her better.
Share all areas of your life. Give up what you love and cope with what you detest if it makes your lover better.
Acting alone, you can make your relationship romantic and exciting. The greater the sacrifices you make, the greater your satisfaction in the relationship.
Your model of suffering When you get into a relationship you are expected to give support and care. You pick up the slack where your lover falls short. It is the sacrifices you make that motivate your lover to improve upon him or herself.
You must, therefore, embrace suffering because apart from building your relationship, it develops your character, perseverance and maturity.
If you never suffer, you will be less human, incapable of showing love or being loved.
Your model of love Christians this week celebrate the death of Jesus who hated sin but loved the sinner to the point of freely giving up his life to give us hope and salvation.
He was the son of God but took the nature of a slave. He did no wrong but was rejected, falsely accused, taunted, abused and tortured but prayed for the forgiveness of all.
Let Jesus be your model of love. Die by giving and not taking. Die by giving up bad habits and doing godly acts that build your lover. Be always ready to give strength and hope to your lover.
If you have to suffer to keep your relationship exciting, do not change a thing. Being in a fulfilling relationship is the best thing that could happen to you but love costs and you must be prepared to pay the price if you want to stay in love.
There is nothing like free love. Suffer to love and love to suffer. This is true love, one that never fails.
• The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’
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