Stop Violence Against Women – A Real Man Does Not Beat A Woman -  Irbad Ibrahim

Dear Irbad Ibrahim, Thank you for tagging me (THREE TIMES) on a post you wrote this past Sunday in response to my firm assertion and belief that, “NOTHING justifies the physical assault or beating of a wife/woman. Shame on the wife beaters and their misogynist apologists.”

I thought of ignoring your post, because the overwhelming number of respondents and commenters under your post have given a clear verdict and shown you how wrong you are in the obnoxious views you are propagating. But, I now feel a sense of brotherly duty to use this instance as a teachable moment for you, for me, and for anyone who cares about domestic violence, marital violence, or violence against women and girls.

1. YOUR VIEWS ARE REPUGNANT, REPULSIVE, AND REPREHENSIBLE: I find your views, posture, and utterances on domestic violence to be repugnant, reprehensible, and totally repulsive. I will firmly and clearly restate my position, that “NOTHING justifies the physical assault or beating of a wife/woman.” I stand wholeheartedly, categorically, and unambiguously by this statement, and can write a thesis of thousands of pages to drum this into your head but I simply don’t have the time right now.

2. WHAT IS “FATHERLY AUTHORITY” AND “BLIND FEMINISM” WHEN ALL WE SAY IS DO NOT BEAT YOUR WIFE? In your “rebuttal”, you state in one breadth that you are not “advocating domestic violence” and in the same breadth go on to stress “fatherly authority”, and “blind feminism” that “only seeks to disempower the man and rob him of his natural status as the final and central authority in the family.” 
Do you see how your statements clearly betray your sense of weakness and inferiority as a man? Bro Irbad Ibrahim, what do you mean by “blind feminism”? If stopping our wives, our sisters, our mothers, our daughters and nieces, our cousins and female friends or colleagues from being beaten black and blue by a man makes us “blind feminists” then place me at the top of your list, because some of us will wear the “blind feminist” tag with pride.

3. EVERY DAY SOME 137 WOMEN ARE KILLED BY A CLOSE PERSON OR HUSBAND: Do you know that the (marital) home is the most likely place for a woman to be killed? Do you know that every day, an average of 137 women across the world are killed by a partner or family member, according to new data released by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC). (Check more facts here:…/domestic-intimate-part…/index.html)

4. A GHANAIAN WOMAN BEATEN TO DEATH BY HER HUSBAND: Do you know that less than two weeks ago, the media in Ghana carried the story of a young woman who was allegedly beaten to death by her husband? What would you say to the parents and relatives of this victim? What would you say if this were your own blood sister?

5. MISUSING ISLAMIC SCRIPTURES: Why have you quoted (or rather misquoted) Islamic Scripture (Qur’an Chapter 4 Verse 34) suggesting that the Holy Qur’an demands the beating (or "striking") of a wife by a husband? What do you say to the senior Islamic scholar in Ghana who has asked you to stop such misrepresentations of the Qur’an?

6. LISTEN TO YOURSELF: Listen to your own words again here: “Eminent, highly educated and respected women like Madam Gifty Anti are happily and patiently married living under the natural protection of a man. …. there is everything wrong with giving women roles that are not natural to them when they should be submissive to their husbands.” Where did you get the idea of “the natural protection of a man” from? Did the Oheneyere tell you she could only be happy “living under the natural protection of a man?” Do you know how primitive you sound when you say “men and women are not created equal”?

7. SELECTIVE SELF-PROMOTION WITHOUT BALANCE AND OBJECTIVITY: Don’t you think that taking comments made by certain individuals under your posts seemingly supporting your intransigent position and making full posts out of them to promote or justify your cause smacks of a level self-promotion, self-adulation, and desperation? Think about it. Supposing you have 100 posts that totally disagree with you but you leave them aside and promote the ten posts that appear to side with you. Where are your fairness, objectivity, and balance, as the true ethics of journalism demand?

8. A SPOKESPERSON FOR “AFRICAN FAMILY VALUES”? How did you get to write: “We'll expand the scope and reach of this advocacy and restore Ghanaian family values to their former normalcy and rich allure.” How do you conflate “Ghanaian family values” with domestic assault and abuse by husbands or men? Who made you a spokesperson about “our pristine African values,” as you label your strange advocacy in the wake of the wife-beating saga?

9. MAKING IT WORSE: Why do you have to bring in the case of a “peacockish” predatory rapist, who forced himself on a teenager in a hotel bathroom, to advance your cause? What is your campaign about? The man who battered and brutalized his wife has apologised, expressed remorse publicly, and asked for forgiveness, so why are you getting more Catholic than the Pope? (Watch this video: )

10. YOUR PATRONISING TONE: How could you, in clear conscience, write this about Gifty Andoh Appiah of Multimedia TV: “I remember telling her a few years ago how her bubbly and assertive body language on set.” Would you have used the same or similar language about a male anchor or presenter? Do you see how this betrays your hidden patronizing, patriarchal, and misogynistic attitudes?

11. SHOULD OUR CULTURE BE STATIC AND DAMAGING TO OUR WOMEN AND GIRLS? Did you really write this: “In pristine Dagomba culture and other Ghanaian cultures for example, a woman is supposed to kneel down to her husband at all times in deference and reverence .”? Irbad Ibrahim, are you saying Dagomba culture is static and does not evolve with time for the benefit of all the people? Can you really speak for all Dagombas and all Dagomba men? Does this “pristine culture” support and promote the battering, "striking", abuse, and bruatlising of wives by their husbands, as you seek to project? Shouldn’t you be using your education to help make this “pristine Dagomba culture” better?

12. STOP DIGGING, IRBAD IBRAHIM – STOP DIGGING: I’ve decided to take this amount of time and effort to offer you these pointers and questions for your reflection, because I believe even Saul of Tarsus, the persecutor, can become the Paul on the road to Damascus, who turns into a protector and apostle. Just for emphasis, and read my lips: “NOTHING justifies the physical assault or beating of a wife/woman. NO REASONS. NO EXCUSES. NO JUSTIFICATIONS. NO IF’S AND NO BUT’S.” Please, brother, take a cue from the saying that “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” Right now you are in a hole but you don’t seem to realise it. That’s sad. I beseech you with the mercies of God, I pray strongly for you, and I encourage you to stop digging. JUST STOP.

ABOVE ALL: LEARN TO WALK AWAY. Tell this to any of your friends who is a wife beater: WALK AWAY - LEARN TO WALK AWAY .... Then you will be THE MAN!