When Two Men Argue Over Whose Scrotum Is Bigger...

When two men argue over whose scrotum is bigger, the best and easiest way to settle the dispute is for both parties to drop their pants for observers to judge. After months of acrimonious exchanges, the pants finally dropped at Sunyani and we now know the one with the bigger scrotum. There must be smiles and tears at the end of every competition. So it wasn�t a surprise to see joyful faces in one camp and gloomy faces in the other, when the result of the bitter Akatamansonian contest for the 2012 polls between President Agya Ofuntuo and Nana Konadu Agyeman Rawlings was announced. When SADAM, �Sons and Daughters of Atta Mills�, ate the small grains of GARI, �Get Agyeman Rawlings in�, in the OLONKAR, �Organized Ladies of Nana Konadu Agyeman Rawlings�, many hearts were gladdened and many others broken. SADAM, we all know, is a name which has its roots in Iraq. It is no secret that Iraqis do not eat GARI because it is common knowledge that it is a food alien to their culture. GARI is predominantly eaten by Asomdwekromanians, Nigerians and other West Africans. So for SADAM to be able to eat GARI-OLONKAR is something worthy of commendation. The GARI-OLONKAR, which was sent to Sunyani aboard a Yutong bus, was eaten by SADAM during the FONKAR-GAME because it was unanimously agreed by the passengers that the Yutong driver should be maintained. As to whether the concentrated coffee being brewed for the lethargic driver to drink can make him stay awake and alert to take his passengers safely to their destination, is another matter altogether. Was nana Konadu humiliated? I don�t think so. Three percent may seem humiliating to others, but I boldly beg to differ. I�m rather of the belief that her showing in the Sunyani polls was a tremendous feat. Winning the hearts of 3% of an electorate, which was part and parcel of the regime she was challenging, was no mean a feat. Certainly, no one expected the ministers and their deputies, the DMCEs, the MPs, and the party executives serving on the various boards to vote for Nana Konadu. This is because doing so would be shooting themselves in the foot. Although the writing was boldly written on the wall, Nana Konadu boldly ignored it and challenged the President for the Zu-za presidential slot. Some said it was an unwise decision, while others said it was sheer foolhardiness. A prominent Akatamansonian was spotted at the congress grounds wearing a T-shirt with the inscription, �Be bold and venture to be wise.� The message was very clear to those of us who could read between the lines. But I say and say again, winning is not always the reason for contesting an election. Sometimes it is to prove a point, and I�m very convinced that Nana Konadu�s was one of such. She did lose but I know for sure that posterity will write her name in letters of gold. Many have wrongly interpreted the results of the Sunyani congress to mean that Papa and the wife had been deserted by their own. Again, I boldly beg to differ. Nana Konadu�s support base is no doubt among the grassroots. The mistake she made was her failure to champion the call for her party to widen the Electoral College. There is no denying the fact that the results would have been different if the Electoral College had been expanded. There is this talk about unity among the rank and file of the Zu-za family. That is the way to go because a house divided against itself cannot stand. It is indeed very great for the party that Obed Asamoah and the other prodigal sons and daughters from the Democratic People�s Party (DFP) are now congregating under the umbrella. That is however not surprising because one is not expected to nurse a grievance for life. In any case, have most of the prodigal sons and daughters not always been DFP during the day and Akatamansonians during the night? The President, his Vice and the party executives mending fences with Jerry Boom would no doubt bring the unity they so desire. But I doubt if it would ever be a reality. The bee that makes honey for the ants to enjoy has never forgiven the ants for being ungrateful, after they had benefited from its toil. And I do not see Dr. Boom doing otherwise. John Armajarro Mahama�s proverbial tale about the three birds namely Kaka, Tika and Gangale did have a happy ending. But Dr. Boom�s Osu Alata Mantse story has kept me wondering if the results would be same for the ruling Zu-za family. The cricket said its cries ended when something bigger than it visited in the night. After hearing Dr. Boom�s tale which ended with the interesting song, �Gadindim-Gadem, Gadindim-Gadem�, it is more than obvious that our ears have been visited by something bigger. The President, his Vice and the greedy bastards are all preaching peace. Tell me Dr. Boom will smoke the peace-pipe with them, and I would boldly sing, �Gadindim-Gadem, Gadindim-Gadem.� Sing along if you love the song!